Post by Frank on Apr 7, 2005 13:57:14 GMT
The Tramp forecast issued by the Meff office, on behalf of the vagrancy and Special Brew Agency, at 1130 on Friday 8 April 2005
The general Trampopsis at 0700
Low Tennants Extra 1004 expected High Street 1010 by 0700 tomorrow. Low vagrants 1006 moving slowly east towards Kwik Save and losing its gold label. Occasional White Lightning with attendant vomit.
The area forecasts for the next 24 hours
The Park
Tramps 4 or 5 veering Southeast 5 to 7, weeing themselves on the park bench variable 3 or 4. Sick, moderate or good, but shouting obscenities at passers by in patches in bandstand
Dole Office
Group of unshaven alcoholics in 80s jumpers 6 or 7, but 4 or 5 in Tyne.
Abuse towards members of staff at times, but mainly incoherantly rambling in Fisher. Moderate or poor, but mainly good in Fisher
Council housing department
Single mum with kids 3 or 4 becoming violent or abusive 4 or 5, occasionally 6 in Salford. Shouting it’s for me f*cking kids at times. Moderate or poor with imported Marlboro cigs at times. Love bites, moderate to heavy with occasional blotchings.
Netto
Meffs becoming cyclonic 4 or 5. Kestrel. Moderate with sweat stains down their patterned knitted jumpers
Fareham West Street
Dog on a rope travellers. Mainly dreads with occasional camo pants. Cyclonic playing a tune on recorder across from JJB, occasionally 6 at first, decreasing 3 later when he realises no one is listening to his incessant renditions of Greensleeves. Occasional use of mouth organ. Moderate, becoming mainly good
Gosport High Street
Tramp 4 or 5, becoming increasingly abusive 3 or 4 later when a tracksuited chav on bike spits on him. Likelihood of itching, increasing.
DHSS
Family who have never done a days work in their lives with 7 kids cyclonic becoming offensive 4 or 5, then variable 3 or 4. Storm warning when told a social worker will be coming to see them on monday. Alcohol problem with oldest lad in court for assault and burglary moderate or good.
Train station
Drug addict mum with kid in push chair begging variable 3 or 4, ASBO becoming mainly too late or never except North West. Occasional shouting, rising to effing and blinding. Skut. Moderate or good, occasionally poor at first
In Summary
Rough.
The general Trampopsis at 0700
Low Tennants Extra 1004 expected High Street 1010 by 0700 tomorrow. Low vagrants 1006 moving slowly east towards Kwik Save and losing its gold label. Occasional White Lightning with attendant vomit.
The area forecasts for the next 24 hours
The Park
Tramps 4 or 5 veering Southeast 5 to 7, weeing themselves on the park bench variable 3 or 4. Sick, moderate or good, but shouting obscenities at passers by in patches in bandstand
Dole Office
Group of unshaven alcoholics in 80s jumpers 6 or 7, but 4 or 5 in Tyne.
Abuse towards members of staff at times, but mainly incoherantly rambling in Fisher. Moderate or poor, but mainly good in Fisher
Council housing department
Single mum with kids 3 or 4 becoming violent or abusive 4 or 5, occasionally 6 in Salford. Shouting it’s for me f*cking kids at times. Moderate or poor with imported Marlboro cigs at times. Love bites, moderate to heavy with occasional blotchings.
Netto
Meffs becoming cyclonic 4 or 5. Kestrel. Moderate with sweat stains down their patterned knitted jumpers
Fareham West Street
Dog on a rope travellers. Mainly dreads with occasional camo pants. Cyclonic playing a tune on recorder across from JJB, occasionally 6 at first, decreasing 3 later when he realises no one is listening to his incessant renditions of Greensleeves. Occasional use of mouth organ. Moderate, becoming mainly good
Gosport High Street
Tramp 4 or 5, becoming increasingly abusive 3 or 4 later when a tracksuited chav on bike spits on him. Likelihood of itching, increasing.
DHSS
Family who have never done a days work in their lives with 7 kids cyclonic becoming offensive 4 or 5, then variable 3 or 4. Storm warning when told a social worker will be coming to see them on monday. Alcohol problem with oldest lad in court for assault and burglary moderate or good.
Train station
Drug addict mum with kid in push chair begging variable 3 or 4, ASBO becoming mainly too late or never except North West. Occasional shouting, rising to effing and blinding. Skut. Moderate or good, occasionally poor at first
In Summary
Rough.